If you are going to make it to 43 years together you better learn to like each other and to like being with each other. This might not sound like much of a secret, or key factor, in getting to 43, but it is a big deal. You love, and choose to love, each other to get to 43, but you must also like each other. Liking each other, and liking to be with each other, is not automatic.
Liking each other has to do with enjoying them and enjoying being with them. To enjoy your spouse, you need to know your spouse. What do they enjoy doing? What makes them laugh? What makes them cry? What are their fears? What is their dream vacation (even if you can’t provide it)? What annoys them?
You need to be a student of your spouse. The beauty of this is that after 43 years I am still learning. We are in a different season of our life than we were 20 years ago, and even 5 years ago. This means that some things change, but the changes are easier to adjust to because of how much we know about each other.
Liking your spouse and liking to spend time with your spouse, does not mean you pretend there is nothing that annoys you, it is recognizing that we both do annoying things and choosing to not let those things disrupt the relationship.
Liking to spend time with your spouse means that being with them matters more than what you are doing when you are with them. Yesterday afternoon, on my day off, we went to a local park and sat by a lake for a couple of hours. We took lawn chairs, a cooler and we each had a book to read. Most of the time was spent reading and some of it was spent talking. What mattered most was that we were with each other. It was a very enjoyable time. At other times we have fished together, or gone shopping, or played a game together. The activity is secondary, being with each other is primary.
Liking each other is a choice. Liking to spend time together requires you to be together and that often requires some planning. Look for what your spouse enjoys and seek for ways to help make this happen. Then seek to join them in what they enjoy. You will notice that you may begin to enjoy it as well. Even if you don’t enjoy the activity, you will enjoy being with your spouse as they do something that they enjoy. This will definitely raise your likeability factor as well.
Being with each other will happen naturally because you are married and living in the same spaces. Being near each other is not the same as enjoying time together. Enjoying spending time together must be a choice. You will spend time together, so enjoy it. Make that choice. Plan to spend time together. There are a lot of things that interrupt and interfere with your schedules, make sure that you choose to spend time together and realize that you like each other and let your spouse know that you like being with them.
Here’s hoping that you enjoy being with your spouse and that this week you create time together.