Sometimes I Don’t Like Me Very Much …

Can you relate to this title? I am not looking for pity and this is not a passive aggressive attempt for pats on the back. I am simply stating a fact. There are times that I don’t like me very much. These times are usually triggered by my failure to do something that I know needs to be done. Or at least putting it off so long that it becomes an emergency that must be rushed. I don’t like myself in those situations. I usually have some intense conversations with myself in these moments. It is not a pretty picture. But it is true, at least for me. Do you ever have times like this?

I have been wrestling with the why of all this recently. Why do I do this? Why don’t I simply do what I know needs to be done, especially considering that I am painfully aware of the feelings that will pop up if I don’t? Why do I repeat this behavior and put myself into such a frustrating cycle?

After much reflection, I have come up with 3 big whys for this tendency of mine.

My 3 Whys …

-I often delay, avoid, or run from, what I know I need to do because I will have to change some behavior. Ironically, I am a person who generally likes a lot of change. When I hear “We’ve never done it that way before”, my default response is “Great, let’s try it!” And yet, I still resort to familiar, comfortable or convenient behavior when I don’t really want to do something. When this happens, I don’t like me very much.

-I sometimes don’t want to do something because I am not sure I can do it well. As much of an adventurer as I normally am there are times that I back off just because I don’t think I can something well enough. This seemingly random reaction on my part reveals some natural insecurities. Whether it is normal or not, doesn’t help me to like myself any better for not doing it.

-There are also times when I just don’t want to do something because I am afraid that it will work. Think about it. While it is true that if I attempt something and it doesn’t work or I fail at it, I will be sad, maybe embarrassed or mad. It is also true that if I don’t do it well the expectations for the next time will be lowered or, I might not even be expected to do it again. However, if I go for it and it works, then things may never be the same again. This can be a little overwhelming when you think about it. And I think about it a lot. I don’t like myself much when I realize this is the reason I don’t do what I know to do.

I am convinced that these 3 whys are not just issues for me, but that many people struggle with the same or similar issues. I am certain that they show up every Sunday in churches of all sizes, shapes and styles.

What are your whys? Is there one that plaques you more than others?

I am comforted to know that God’s grace is sufficient for all of us. I am motivated to reduce those times of not doing what I know to do by this same amazing grace and by the fact that there are others watching. Let’s encourage one another to make a change, to get over our fears and do what God has created and called us to do and to be who He longs for us to be.

 

Dennis

Monday Morning Musings …

Yesterday had some powerful moments. As for my musings …

-The whole worship service at my 10:30 church was filled with a sense of God’s presence and it was a powerful experience. People were very engaged and there was a sense that everyone was seeking God. It was exactly what my spirit needed.

-There were several visitors in my 10:30 church. Some of them were attending for the second or third time and a few of them for the first time.

-I was not operating at 100% compacity physically. On Wednesday evening a cold hit me with a vengeance and knocked me down for a couple of days. This was a major drain on my energy and impacted my voice as well. I changed my Sunday morning preparation routine to conserve my voice and energy.

-Yesterday’s message was about living an “Even If …” life. Being a person who follows Christ even if circumstances don’t seem to be going as we had hoped. The Lord was speaking to me, hopefully it spoke to others as well.

-Last week my wife and I got away from Sunday afternoon until Wednesday afternoon. We stayed in a little cabin in the woods that I referenced last week. It was exactly what we were looking for and what we needed. When we parked our van upon arriving, we didn’t drive it again until we headed for home. We read a lot, slept a lot and spent time talking. There was no internet access and no television reception. We will return to one of these cabins in the future. While we were there we scouted the other cabins for future reference.

-I read four books while in the little cabin in the woods. Two of them were fiction, one was a business book that had a lot of crossover for ministry and one was a personal spiritual growth book.

-The attendance at both churches was down a little from our averages.

-In two weeks, I will be partnering with another pastor in our town to teach a class about fatherhood in the prison located just outside our town. This is very exciting.

-With Easter being less than 3 weeks away, a lot of time is being spent putting things together for this very important Sunday. We are changing a few things from what we normally do on Easter in hopes of having a larger, and longer lasting, impact.

-One of my conclusions from my few days away was that I am spinning my wheels much of time. I am spending too much time wondering what to do instead of doing what I already know to do.

-Another conclusion is that I need to eliminate a lot of negative thinking and stop focusing on a few people who are not looking to grow personally and therefore do not want to see the church grow.

Here’s hoping you find some time to reflect and refocus.

 

Dennis

 

Monday Morning Musings …

Yesterday was a very unusual day that had a much-needed finish. As for my musings …

-As I sit here typing I don’t know when I will be able to post this on my blog. I am sitting in the proverbial “little cabin the woods”. (For those who knew me during my youth pastor years “little cabin in the woods” has a whole different meaning, doesn’t it?) This cabin does not have an internet connection and only occasionally is there cell service. I am going to type my musings anyway and I will post them whenever I get the opportunity. It may be Monday sometime, it may be Tuesday and it may not be until Wednesday.

-Sitting in this cabin is the much-needed finish to Sunday that I referred to in the opening line. My wife and I arrived at this cabin late Sunday afternoon. We are simply getting away for a couple of days of rest, refreshing and time together.

-Sunday was unusual because I did not preach at either my 9:00 nor my 10:30 church. Instead I preached at a church where I serve with a wonderful campus pastor. I mentor, advise and lead from a short distance away and the campus pastor is the feet on the ground person. I am much more in tune, aware and involved than it would appear to most people. This however, was the first time that I have been able to preach on a Sunday morning with them. It was an enlightening and fun day for me and my wife.

-It felt very odd to get up and prepare for a Sunday and then not be at either of my other churches.

-Our van was loaded and we were all packed for our brief getaway when we headed out for church. When we finished, and said our goodbyes to everyone we headed toward this cabin. We had never been here before and were taking a chance from what we could discover online. This place is exactly what we were hoping for and what we needed.

-Preaching anywhere other than your regular place(s) is always a bit unnerving. But the people were receptive and responsive and made us feel welcomed and at home.

-Preaching in a different place has some pitfalls and I almost fell in one. I don’t stand still while I preach and being on an unfamiliar platform almost resulted in a big tumble. As I moved around I forgot that I was on unfamiliar footing and two times nearly went flying. I think I covered it well, at least that is what I am telling myself.

-I love that I can be gone on a Sunday morning and not worry about things at home. I have a wonderful Assistant Pastor and some great people who just move right ahead and minister without a hitch.

-I have some much respect for the hard-working people of my church who stepped up and ministered so well in serving a fabulous funeral dinner last week for the 3rd time in 5 weeks. Let’s hope we don’t have to do this again for a while.

-I am very excited about the plans being made for Easter Sunday. I am especially burdened for all the services around Easter this year. I am always burdened for Easter Sunday, but this year I sense that God wants to do something we haven’t seen in a long time if we will get ourselves ready. I am already praying fervently for Easter.

 

Here’s hoping that you will find sometime and some way to be refreshed this week.

 

Dennis

Monday Morning (afternoon) Musings …

Yesterday was a very difficult day and now we are “enjoying” some winter with a few inches of snow. I guess this snow is to make up for the small amount we received this winter. As for my musings …

-We lost another dear saint yesterday. She was a jewel. She was just 3 months shy of her 92nd birthday. She had one of the greatest smiles I have ever seen and the twinkle in her eyes when she smiled or laughed was extraordinary. She was getting ready to come to church, stumbled and fell. She hit her head on something and it caused a brain bleed. When my wife and I visited her right after church she was talking, smiling, joking and the twinkle was still there. Just over an hour after we left her, she had another bleed and did not recover. I am confident of her relationship with Christ, but she is really going to be missed.

-Time change Sunday, especially the “spring forward” Sunday, is always a tough day. The attendance at my churches was not good and the atmosphere as the services began was flat. It improved as the services continued, at least until my part.

-My preaching was bad yesterday. I struggled all week with the sermon. Changing my original sermon mid-week as God nudged me in a different direction. Then I never got a good grip on the message. As I reflect now I realize I tried to cram too much into the message. I was bad when I practiced the message and I didn’t get much better as I preached at either church.

-After doing 5 funerals in my first 3 years here, the funeral on Friday will be the 3rd in the past 6 weeks. I would like to go back to the previous schedule please.

-I love spending time with my wife. Given the busyness of our schedules the past few weeks it has been difficult to get the time. So, I am really looking forward to getting away for a couple of days next week with my wife.

-I loved my conversation with a fellow pastor this morning. He is excited about some new people attending and plans that are being made for new ways to impact the community in which he serves. I love hearing of churches, and pastors, making a difference.

-I am more burdened for Easter this year than I have been in a long time. Spending a lot of extra time praying about Easter and the preparation for Easter. I am always excited for Easter, but this year I feel a real sense of urgency and burden for it.

-We had a new family visit my 10:30 church yesterday. It was good to hear some of their story while visiting after worship.

-My mind is not desiring to focus well today. Since I have a church board meeting to finish preparing for, I better end these musings.

Here’s hoping that you find someone to encourage today. When you find them, take the time to encourage them. It will improve the day for both of you.

 

Dennis

Monday Morning Musings …

Yesterday was a day for vision. The message was about looking forward and where God is leading us. It was also a day to examine where we are at this moment. It was also a day to grieve with a family who has lost a very special lady. As for my musings …

-This afternoon we will have a service to celebrate the life of one of the most servant-minded ladies I have ever known. It is technically a funeral service and there is a definite feeling of loss. However, we know that she is now pain free and beginning to enjoy the rewards of a life lived for her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I ache for her husband. They had been married over 66 years. They were the picture of a husband and wife, “the two shall become one”. They have quietly influenced and impacted hundreds throughout the years. This service is an honor to lead. It will be a joy because of the certainty of her testimony. It will be difficult because I will be looking at her husband and noticing and hurting for the fact that he has lost the love of his life.

-Yesterday I preached about where we go from here. This was the first Sunday of a new church year for us.

-At one of my churches we looked a little more generally about the future, laying the foundation for what we need to do next.

-At one of my churches we looked specifically at some plans for this next year. My Assistant Pastor remarked after the service that when he read the sermon notes to enter them into the computer for the service, that he thought the statements were good. However, when he heard me say them out loud in front of everyone it hit him how impactful they were going to be.

-Yesterday afternoon was the visitation for the family of the lady I mentioned in my first musing. It was very enlightening to observe the interactions for a couple of hours. I saw and heard the impact this humble lady had on so many people of all ages. I always learn a lot observing at a visitation.

-I also had a church board meeting as soon as I left the visitation. It made for a day of great contrasts, with worship services at 2 churches, a funeral visitation, a church board meeting and then some time attempting to unpack everything that took place as I reflected on the day.

-On Wednesday one of my grandkids has a milestone birthday. He turns 10. Hitting double digits is a big deal. I love his creativity, his sensitivity, his love for Jesus, his smile and his laugh, especially when he laughs at his own jokes.

-My grandson’s birthday also marks the 10th anniversary of the loss of one of my uncles. He would have loved my grandson. My uncle laughed at his own jokes as well. He also loved Jesus and his family well. He was the uncle who told embarrassing stories about you to any girl you brought to a family gathering. I miss him.

-I am already excited for this next Sunday’s message.

-I need to get going and finish getting everything ready for the funeral.

Here’s hoping you find a reason to smile today and that you pass that smile on to someone else.

 

Dennis