Difficult to get my mind and body engaged this morning. Not because yesterday was a difficult day, I believe it is just because it is a Monday morning. As I reflect on yesterday I realize what a roller coaster ride it was.

Some of the highs:

-Praying over our Vacation Bible School workers in preparation for our VBS beginning this evening. This was very moving and humbling.

-Realizing that we have over 25% of our average Worship attendance serving this week in VBS. That is an awesome percentage. Not just 25% of our adult attendance, but 25% of our total attendance! I am really rejoicing over this one.

-Sharing communion together and watching people really reflect on what Christ has done for them.

-Having a brand new person, from our town, show up to worship. No one invited this person, they just showed up. I would like to see more come because someone invited, but how cool in this day and age when someone just shows up. God really is up to something good around here.

-Watching our VBS workers come back last evening to prepare for this week. They arrived in a torrential downpour and participated enthusiastically. Seeing their desire for children to hear the Good News and come to faith in Christ got me fired up.

-Realizing that our low Sundays are now are higher than our average Sundays were last year.

Some of the not so highs:

-Having a low number of children in attendance yesterday, the day before our VBS begins. Hopefully there is no correlation between the two.

-Not being able to sleep well in preparation for Sunday. I always get up very early on Sundays, but yesterday I was wide awake, and worried about something, more than an hour before my alarm was set to go off.

-A very low offering. Putting it in perspective, we are still ahead of last year’s giving, but it was still a downer.

This Monday a lot time is being spend finalizing details for the beginning of our Vacation Bible School. I am very excited for this to begin. I am praying for some great things to happen this week. I admit that I am going to have to really work to crank up the energy for tonight, but it will be worth it. I am really attempting to make my Mondays a better day of preparation for the rest of the week. Do you have any tips for a pastor to make Mondays, at least Monday afternoons, a little more productive?

Here’s hoping your Monday is one of recuperation and anticipation of a great week.

Dennis

Some people seem to be fluent in excuses. They can throw them out without any notice. It just seems to come so naturally for them. You know these people, they are the ones who always say they wish they could help but … then the excuses just roll.

These people can be found anywhere, including church. At church these people seem to believe that making excuses is a spiritual gift. At church there are some tried and true excuses that you can always count on. Some of these are “I did my time in the (fill in the department), it’s someone else’s turn”, “I am too old for that”, “I am too young for that”, “I tried that once and I didn’t like it”, “I will pray about it” (while this is sometimes valid, many people use it as spiritual way to delay an excuse), “I have kids, so I have to say no”, “I don’t have kids, so I have to say no”. There are more, but you get the idea.

I was with my 86 year old Dad this week and as I was driving home  one of my thoughts was that the excuses many give for not serving in church are just excuses and not reasons. You see my Dad and Step-Mother regularly serve as greeters at their church. My step-Mother regularly plays the organ at different retirement homes and she leads a large organization for senior adults. The day I left from visiting them to return home they were headed to a Nursing home where my Dad was going to give a devotional. Did I mention that my Dad has had open heart surgery, brain surgery after a series of mini-strokes, had cracked vertebrae, has no peripheral vision in one eye and my step-Mother has had a few physical issues as well.

As I made the 6 hour trip home I reflected on their service and thought most of us really have no valid excuses. Add to this that a first time mom in my church is 4 weeks from her due date and is not only still serving in the nursery but is working in our VBS this week. At my first church I had an 83 year old lady volunteer to help in the nursery, all she could do was sit and rock the babies, and that was only if someone else handed them to her. But she did it and the other workers always wanted to work with her because all the babies calmed down when she was in the nursery. She finally retired from that duty 10 or 12 years later.

So I began to think that there are so few valid excuses. I understand finding the right place of service, I don’t understand not serving anywhere. For most of us the title of this post is true, we really have no excuses.

What are some of the most creative excuses you have heard? Here’s praying that you begin to hear more people say they will serve than offer excuses.

Dennis

I require pre-marital counseling if I am officiating a wedding. That declaration doesn’t mean I haven’t questioned whether the time and effort involved in pre-marital counseling is worth it or not? I have been in more than a few lively discussions on this topic with other pastors through the years. Most of the pastors I have spoken with do pre-marital counseling and most of them wonder if it is worth it.

The premise is to guide the prospective couple through important areas they will face, or need to consider, before they get married in the hope that they may avoid some serious pitfalls. With this premise why would I sometimes wonder if it is worth it? Here are a few reasons why I sometimes ask if it is worth it.

One, most couples who come to me have already set a wedding date and informed nearly everyone they know before I ever speak with them. This means that they have pretty much made up their minds and just want to do whatever is required to get married.

Two, the couple is much more interested in planning the ceremony than discussing better ways to communicate or how to fight fair. After all, they are in love and don’t plan on ever fighting. Did you chuckle when you read that?

Three, the couple has a lot of people telling them that they just need to focus on getting married and then they will have plenty of time to figure things out. Seriously, they have people saying this to them and many others who imply it by only encouraging them to plan the wedding day without directing them to plan for the marriage.

Four, the couple may be more receptive to counsel after a few struggles after they get past the wedding day.

Here are a few reasons why, in spite of the above issues, I believe pre-marital counseling is still worth the time and effort.

One, the relationship I build with the couple during this time is invaluable as I prepare to share in their wedding day. I always give a personal challenge to the couple during the ceremony and I draw on our time together during these counseling times.

Two, the time counseling the couple builds credibility with them, opening the door for future times of ministry with them.

Three, call me optimistic but I still believe that some of what we deal with in pre-marital counseling with sink in and be helpful to most couples.

Four, I believe that requiring the couple to go through pre-marital counseling sets the stage for helping them understand the seriousness of committing your life to another person in marriage.

My ideal set up would be to do pre-marital counseling and then have a mentor couple meet with them regularly throughout their first year of marriage. I am still working on this one.

I would love to hear from you. What is your experience with pre-marital counseling? What do you do?

Dennis

Yesterday was an encouraging day on many levels. It was encouraging to celebrate and pray over our babies and toddlers. They signify the hope we have for the future. There was a lot of smiles from parents and grandparents when those young ones were up front.

It was encouraging to see so many children go out to children’s church. I love watching them run to their area. We could use a little of that with the adults. If not the running, at least the enthusiasm.

It was encouraging to sense the congregation being engaged in the message. It sure makes it easier to preach when the people are engaged and attentive. I love preaching to people who are hungry and engaged. More and more that seems to be true of my congregation.

It was encouraging to get a note from a parishioner giving me an update of their working to put into practice the action step I gave during last Sunday’s message. Wow, that one really encouraged me.

It was encouraging to see such a good attendance on Father’s Day. Too often my experience has been that Father’s Day is a low attendance day. Our attendance was only 11 below Easter Sunday. I know that attendance is not everything but it does matter.

It was encouraging to see a series finish well. This series that finished Sunday was on relationships and there were some twists and turns along the way. The last two Sundays had a different focus than I originally envisioned when I laid it out at the beginning. As the series went along God kept working on me and enlightening me personally and on my congregation. That resulted in the last two weeks of the series changing from the original plan. Thankfully I listened and the result was very encouraging.

Mondays are for reflection, recovery and evaluation. This Monday is also for preparation. Striving to get a lot done today so I can take off and see my Dad for a brief visit. Conversations and time with my Dad is always encouraging.

So how is your Monday morning?

Dennis

Here are a couple of Webster’s definitions of follow that fit well for Father’s Day – to be or act in accordance with; to seek to attain. These give a good word picture of what I have tried to do, which is follow my Dad. To act like him and seeking to attain to who he is each day.

When I was little I tried to follow Dad because he was the biggest, strongest, smartest man in the world. When I was a teen I tried to follow Dad secretly, I didn’t really want him to know I was following. After all I was a teen and I had it all figured out. All you had to do was ask. Inside I knew I didn’t have much figured out, but I didn’t want you to know. I secretly suspected that my Dad had it figured out, not in the biggest, strongest way in which I believed as a kid, but in the things that mattered most. I wanted to follow in his shadow. As I became a Dad, I wanted to follow Dad because I now realized how much I didn’t know. I was starting to swing back to believing he was the smartest man in the world all over again. As I became a pastor I wanted to follow Dad because he was the best pastor and man I had ever known. I was now absolutely convinced he was maybe not the smartest man in the world, but I was beginning to suspect he was the wisest. As I experienced more of life I came to understand that wisdom mattered a lot more than smarts and physical strength. Now that I am a grandfather and have several years of my own in the rearview mirror, I still want to follow my Dad. Why? Because he first of all follows Jesus better than anyone I have ever known. Also, because as I have seen him face many difficult circumstances in his life he has never lost his joy and is even wiser as a result.

Yes, I have moved past the “my Dad is bigger (I got taller than him my sophomore year of high school), stronger and smarter than your Dad” phase. I am into my Dad is the best man and follower of Jesus I know and I am seeking to live that way no matter what crosses my path.

I have been asked many times through the years, “How was your Dad as a pastor?”, or “What was it like being the pastor’s kid?” I think he was the greatest pastor I have ever known and I loved my family and childhood. To let you know these are not empty words, think on this fact. As an adult I chose to have him as my pastor two different times before I became a pastor myself.

A few times someone who knew my Dad as a pastor has told me I sounded like my Dad or reminded them of my Dad. I confess that is close to the greatest compliment you could give me.

So Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you and I am still seeking to follow you.

Dennis

Pastors too often wear it as a badge of honor when they don’t take a day off or when their day off gets interrupted by an emergency. I say “too often” because this is not a good thing. I know because I have been guilty of it more than I wish were true. In fact, my wife started calling my day off “the day I work less”. By the way, though that is a clever saying it is not a good thing.

One of the problems with a day off is that I love what I do. Many things that I do are hard to distinguish between what is work and not work. For example, I love sports and love to attend sporting events of our local schools. When I go to these I also look for students who are participating or watching and make connection with them or their parents. So am I working or not? I sometimes shop at a certain store because I want to make contact with someone who works there, so am I working or not? You get the idea.

A regret I have from my earlier ministry is the number of times my poor planning caused me to work when it was supposed to be my day off. I am not talking about emergencies, just times when I didn’t get to something I could have earlier but since I didn’t I had to do it on my day off.

I also realize that when you are a solo pastor it is more difficult to always honor your day off. I have been solo in the past and am again right now. I have learned that my people want me to take my day off if at all possible. If you have any pastoral staff then it should be really rare for you to “have to” work on your day off.

I have also come to understand that I really need to have some quality time with God on my day off. After all, don’t we expect that of our parishioners on Sunday? Sundays are not a day off, or even an easier day, for pastoral staff. That means we need to have some Sabbath time on another day.

One of the highlights of my day off is doing things with my wife. We do things together on many other days and now that our children are grown (and on their own) we have even more opportunities throughout the week. But my day off is different. We can plan something together or just plan to do nothing together. The big thing is that we are together. I sometimes do things with someone else, but that is the exception and not the rule. I want her to know that I want to be with her and it makes my day off a very special one when we get to spend most of it together.

Days off may be hard to define at times, but they are worth the chase. Just make sure that you figure out how to catch your day off

Dennis

“What in the world is he doing? Does he have a health issue or is the tag on his shirt sticking him?” One of the surprising things I discovered as I began preaching regularly was that I would have thoughts while I was preaching that had nothing to do with the sermon. Sometimes the thoughts were almost conversations with myself. It was as if I would be preaching and then a part of me would just be observing and thinking other stuff. No one warned me of this phenomenon. When it first began to happen I thought I was losing it. I realize that some might argue that I never had it, but that is for another post. I knew that people listening to sermons often drift off into their own thoughts but I didn’t realize the one preaching could.

Am I the only one? I realize that many pastors might be hesitant to confess this one, so I will take your silence as a yes. I have often wondered what the listeners would think if they realized that the pastor noticed so much more than they ever thought.

At times I have the thought “Did I just say something wrong? Did I get something turned around and not realize it?” That one comes when I see a look of confusion on the faces of people while I am preaching. Then I try to do a quick rewind in my mind, while still continuing with the sermon, to see if I can figure it out.

“Do I have a spot on my shirt, or are they in a trance?” That one comes when I notice someone staring toward me, unblinking, for a disturbing amount of time. I always secretly hope they are in a trance.

“Is that clock right?” Yes, pastors wonder that one too, parishioners are not the only ones wondering what is wrong with the clock. Though I am usually wondering if it is too fast, I sense those listening have a different thought.

“Where is _______________ ?” I am sure this one is not surprising to people, but it can occupy some time in my mind during a sermon. Of course sometimes it is answered when I find them sitting somewhere other than their usual spot. Did you know that many people sit in the same place at church every week?

“Did I already say that?” This one produces a momentary look of confusion on my face. I preach from an outline with some extra notes instead of a manuscript, so once in a while I wonder if I have already said something. This happened more often when the church I was pastoring had multiple worship services.

“Did I really say that?” This is the scarier version of the above thought. This one produces a momentary look of shock on my face. It happens when I get carried away while preaching. I call it getting on a roll, my wife calls it the time when she ducks. It is also why she usually sits in the back of the worship center. That way when I say something that prompts this thought people have to turn around to see her reaction. Unfortunately I have a tendency to prompt those turnaround moments more often than I like to admit.

Do you do this? What thoughts do you have while speaking/preaching? Here’s hoping you have only positive thoughts this Sunday.

Dennis

I love to read. I have loved to read for as long as I can remember (some teachers and professors might take issue with this statement). Much of the credit for my love of reading goes to my parents. An enduring memory from childhood is seeing my parents reading and seeing books all around the house. When I began as a pastor my Dad encouraged me even more to be a reader. I remember a conversation with him during my first or second year as a Senior Pastor. I was reading a lot and loving it, but some other pastors criticized me for reading so much, they felt I must be slighting other areas of ministry because of my reading volume. I shared this with my Dad asking him what he thought. (For the record I wasn’t whining to him, I knew that wouldn’t fly, I desired his opinion) He told me to keep reading and added that these other pastors probably never make any references to anything they have read in their sermons. He told me that reading would challenge me and stretch me, then he asked me what I was reading. Did I mention that my Dad was a great pastor for 44 years?

In my reading now, I not only read books but I also read a lot online and in my reading I love to collect quotes. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from my reading this week:

“There are two kinds of success. One is the very rare kind that comes to the many who has the power to do what no one else has the power to do. That is genius. But the average man who wins what we call success is not a genius. He is a man who has merely the ordinary qualities that he shares with his fellows, but who has developed those ordinary qualities to a more than ordinary degree.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“When written in Chinese, the word ‘crisis’ is composed of two characters – one represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.” – John F. Kennedy

“… we make it sound like it’s someone else’s fault, when in reality, we’ve made our own lunch.” – Kyle Idleman (from his book “AHA”)

“We worry far too much about outcomes instead of focusing on inputs. We cannot make things grow. Period. All we can do is plant and water.” – Mark Batterson (from his book “Draw the Circle”)

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason (can anybody else’s bank account relate?)

“My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. I told him, “I don’t

have that kind of relationship with my feet. May I just wave?” – from Mikey’s Funnies

“If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?” – from Mikey’s Funnies

“In your relationships, seek to add value above seeking to win the argument.”

So what are some of your favorite quotes from your recent reading?

Dennis

Know Your Sources of Discouragement …

Discouragement is an all too familiar thing for most of us. Pastors are no exception. Discouragement does not appear to respect titles, positions, ages or claims. Discouragement is an equal opportunity intruder. Armed with the knowledge that we are not immune to discouragement then it makes sense to try and determine if you can figure out any patterns or the most common sources of your discouragement. So here are my top 5 …

Unrealistic expectations (see post from 2 days ago) – when we have unrealistic expectations we will likely fall short of them and be discouraged as a result. We need to set stretching goals and seek to grow ourselves and our organizations however when we set unrealistic expectations we tend to get discouraged when we fall short.

Others disappointment/disagreement with us – when others are disappointed in us we often embrace it and become discouraged. But you need to determine if this person is credible and if their disappointment is valid. Disagreements are common place and often productive for organizations and individuals. After all, if we all agree all the time you have to wonder if everyone is really thinking or of just blindly nodding in agreement. However, many of us tie our worth to how many other people agree with us. So when someone, or a group, disagrees with us we become discouraged. Do you feel me pastors?

Physical issues – not enough sleep, eating terribly, not enough exercise, illness and a myriad of other physical issues can move us to feeling discouraged. When we are discouraged, especially for a length of time, we need to check out any physical triggers.

Negative people – we all have them, those people are who the living embodiment of Winnie the Pooh’s friend Eeyore. (Yes, I just referenced Winnie the Pooh, I have grandkids. Would you prefer an Archie Bunker reference? Are you even old enough to know who that is?) You know the type, no matter what is happening they believe it is their duty to point out why it probably won’t work. Some people seem to think it is their spiritual gift to be negative. Negative people can wear on us and cause us to become discouraged.

Ourself – sometimes we are our greatest cause of discouragement. When our self-talk is negative we discourage ourselves. Sometimes the problem is we don’t believe in ourself so we become discouraged, especially if we struggle as we attempt something new. Sometimes our issue is we know we didn’t really give it our best effort and we become discouraged. This is a difficult one to work through and is deserving of its own post in the future.

That is my top 5. So what are you top 5. Which of these do you most often wrestle with? How do you deal with discouragement? Remember, you were created for a purpose and Jesus loves you enough that he died for you. That in itself should help us battle discouragement.

Dennis

Mondays are always a day of reflection and recuperation. I used to take Mondays as my day off, but I changed that practice several years ago and I am really glad I made the change. I didn’t make the change after some epiphany or after extensive research. I made the change because Mondays were the best day for staff meeting at the church I was serving at the time.

Shortly after making the change I realized that I had always taken a lot time on Mondays to reflect as well as recuperate. Now I was reflecting with others and not taking that time away from time with my wife.  I have now discovered that Mondays are a great time to replay the events from Sunday while they are still fresh and to follow up on any needs quickly. I also now enjoy my day off with my wife in a much more relaxed way.

Yesterday was a good day.

– I recognized at 9:00am that all of our Sunday School teachers were already in the building and making everything ready for their classes which don’t start until 9:30. How cool is that? What a great group of dedicated and committed teachers.

– Had an uplifting time of prayer with a retired pastor just before the worship service began. I am always humbled whenever someone prays over me and especially when it is someone who has served so faithfully for so many years.

– Had an in-town visitor return for the second week in a row.

– Had more than a dozen people come forward committing to make prayer a priority in their relationships. Not just praying for the relationship, but praying to add value to the relationship and for God to bless the other person. To really pray, not just wish a relationship was better but to pray for as long as it takes for the relationship to be better.

– Had a great time of sharing and heartfelt discussion in the small group that meets at our house on Sunday evenings.

– Had a great number of people commit to serving in our Vacation Bible School. I am really pumped about the number of adults who desire to make an impact in the lives of children.

– Had another Sunday of good attendance.

As I sit here reflecting on Sunday I am encouraged and burdened. I think that is a great place to be, how is your Monday morning?

Dennis