Category Archives: Fears

Top 5 Causes of CBTD Syndrome …

Yesterday I posted about CBTD Syndrome. (Confused, Burdened, Tired or Depressed) I am suffering from it currently and I know I am not alone. From my experience here are the top 5 causes of this syndrome …

1. Prayer – when you pray for real people with real needs you become aware of more people in need. Also, as you pray you become burdened to see these people overcome whatever you are praying about. You become more passionate about praying. As you become consistent in prayer you become more passionate in your praying. As you become more passionate as you pray not only do you become more aware of needs, but people begin to seek you out asking for prayer. This is a wonderful and burdensome fact. If you do not learn to cast your cares onto Christ you will become overwhelmed and beaten down by the burdens. Prayer is great, and more prayer is awesome, but there is a price to be paid. I am learning that the price is well worth it and that I do not need to carry it all by myself.

2. Service – serving can lead to fatigue and sometimes to depression if you get your eyes off of the reason for your service. We are to serve others and do it as Christ did. That means having the “heart of a servant” as my friend Dave Engbrecht use to remind me over and over as we served together. My mentor and friend Dave, would say that phrase “heart of a servant” whenever we were doing things that someone else was supposed to have done. Evidently my attitude struggled during those times, hard to believe isn’t it? He would give a goofy smile and say that phrase. I didn’t like it when he did that,(I didn’t mind the goofy smile, it was the phrase that annoyed me) but I needed it and he was right. Service can wear you down and discourage you, unless you really are serving with the heart of a servant. The best way to evaluate if you have a servant’s heart is how you react when someone treats you like a servant. I am called to serve, so are you. We need to serve, but it can lead to CBTD if we are not careful.

3. Thinking like a Martyr – when you begin to think that you are the only one who cares, or the only one who is serving or the only one who is sacrificing you are sprinting toward CBTD. This is the opposite of the heart of a servant. Thinking like a martyr is not the same as being a martyr. Thinking like this often leads to losing sight of the big picture. It is feeling alone and confused about why you are doing what you are doing. This type of thinking also shows a confused mind, you begin to think it is about you instead of the one you are serving. This type of thinking will definitely lead to feelings of depression or anger.

4. Doing it alone – no matter what “it” is, if you are trying to do it all by yourself you are setting yourself up for CBTD. I know this one very well. I often try to do it alone. Sometimes my reasoning is that I don’t want to bother others. Sometimes it is because I am the pastor and pastors are supposed to be able to do everything, right? Sometimes it is because I like being able to say I did it all by myself. No matter the reason, doing it all alone rarely works and it will lead to feelings of fatigue, depression and confusion.

5. Not enough variety – maybe this one is only for me, but I believe it applies to many of you as well. If I get stuck in a tight routine for too long my CBTD really kicks into high gear. Some of this is just my personality, I am a “let’s try something different” kind of person. But also, if I don’t have some variety and if I dwell too long on a singular issue I become discouraged and confused. I need some variety. This variety can be as simple as getting up and walking around the church building or property. It might be taking a day and doing something completely different. When you emotionally stare at one thing for too long you begin to lose perspective. A loss of perspective will certainly push you toward CBTD.

What are some causes that you have seen or experienced?

Tomorrow I will address some ways to improve, or overcome, CBTD.

Here’s hoping that you see something different today. Here’s hoping that you realize you are not alone and that not only does what you are doing matter but it is making a difference.

Dennis

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Confused, Burdened, Tired or Depressed?

Have you ever been confused? Have you ever been confused about things you are feeling? Have you ever been confused about whether you are depressed, or maybe just tired or are you just carrying some heavy burdens? If the answer is yes, then you and I have something in common.

There is no doubt that I could use some time off, but what I am feeling is more than fatigue. I have begun to use the phrase “my heart hurts”. I am not talking about any physical issues with my heart muscle. It is my attempt to give a word picture of what is going on with me.

There have been moments recently when I have certainly felt down about things happening in the lives of people around me. So I guess on some level there is depression. But there is much more going on.

I know that I am carrying some burdens and am burdened for some people and situations.
Can you relate to any of this?

Maybe we need to create a new category or description of how we feel during times like this? How about CBTD syndrome?

It is beginning to dawn on me that the burdens I feel, the things that make “my heart hurt” are wearing on me and creating some serious fatigue. I am recognizing that delays in seeing improvement in the things that are burdening me it certainly brings me down. I am beginning to understand the relationships that exist between burdens, the resulting fatigue and the depression that chases you during these times. All of which leaves me confused many times.

In my self-analysis I believe that I am suffering from CBTD. Are you suffering from this?
Tomorrow I will get into a little more detail on the causes of CBTD syndrome. Then we will look at what, if anything, can be done to overcome or improve the symptoms of CBTD.

Here’s hoping that you are feeling the presence of God no matter what you are facing or feeling. Here’s hoping that matter how you are feeling you will look to encourage someone today.

Dennis

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Sometimes …

Sometimes it feels like the hurt will never go away.
Sometimes it feels like I will never get beyond my past.
Sometimes I feel paralyzed by indecision and fear.
Sometimes I feel strong, and then I remember.
Sometimes I wish I could forget, but it seems my memory for those things will never fade.
Sometimes I wonder what if …?
Sometimes I feel that I am the exception. That all the promises were meant for everyone else.
Sometimes that is just how I feel.
Sometimes I remember those words, “For God so loved the world…” That includes me.
Sometimes I go to the Bible and believe.
Sometimes is so frustrating, but God is still God.
Sometimes can be so lonely, but God is always with me.
Sometimes I need to pray as the father of a boy whom Jesus healed did “…I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!”*
Sometimes is not the answer, but God is.

Here’s hoping you can move from living in the sometimes, to living in the knowledge that you are loved, that you are forgiven, that God has a plan for you and that God is still God no matter what you feel sometimes.

Dennis
*Mark 9:24 in the New International Version copyright 1984.

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Scared to Pray …

The more I pray the more I wrestle with being scared to pray. Can you relate to that at all? I am not referring to being so scared that I feel like I can’t pray, I mean that the more I pray for real stuff in my life and others that I face many more fears. It is as if I am scared to pray for fear of the fears I will encounter. Does that make any sense?

A few years ago I really became convicted of my lack of praying. I began to be more intentional about praying. I started to pray much more specifically. I began to pray more often and sometimes for much longer periods of time. It changed me and continues to change my life and my ministry. But I also face more scary things.

A few of the fears that are finding me are …

… the fear of what else I need to work on in my own life. The more I pray the more God is revealing to me about me. This is a good thing except when it isn’t. I have had moments where I have said to God “enough about me, let’s deal with the stuff in some other people’s lives.” I pray for others and about the very real things in their lives. But God also keeps showing me stuff about me. Some of it is scary. Even the stuff that gets changed can lead me to fear the next prayer time wondering what I will discover. Has that ever happened to you?

… there is the fear that I am not sure I can handle praying for any more big stuff. The more I pray for others and the real stuff in their lives I am experiencing more and more people asking me to pray for them and their stuff. Sometimes I am almost overwhelmed with the stuff. That can be scary? But, I am going to keep praying.

… there is also the fear that I am not praying correctly. Do you know that feeling? I am well aware that there is no “correct” way to pray. I preach and teach that prayer is conversing with God and that as long you are in the conversation it is a good thing. But sometimes I think that if I could pray better more people would be helped and more things changed. That scares me a bit.

I am not going to quit praying and I am not going to pray less. In fact I am determined to pray more. I am grateful that I have Christ to guide me, strengthen me and that he has given me assurance in the Bible that I don’t need to fear. I will have fears, but I don’t need to be fearful.

Here’s hoping that this encourages you.

Dennis

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What do your hands say about you?

When I am approaching any store my first question is, “Are they open, or closed?” The answer to that question greatly determines my expectations. If they are closed, I don’t expect much of anything from them. If they are open, I expect to be welcomed and the possibility of an exchange of resources. This makes it easy when approaching a store, but what about people? Don’t you wish people wore a sign that indicated if they are open or closed?

I think I have discovered one of those signs. Watch their hands. Are their hands open, or closed? If they have open hands they are approachable, they will likely welcome you and there is a good chance of interaction with them. However, if their hands are closed, then it will be difficult to have positive interaction with them.

In defense of having closed hands, if your hands are closed around what you have then you appear unlikely to lose any of it. You could certainly be seen as defending what you have, after all a closed fist is a universal sign of anger. But the problem with closed hands is that it prevents you from receiving anything else. You cannot bless anyone else with closed hands. When was the last time you saw anyone give a hug with clenched fists? You may have seen someone with clenched fists get hugged by someone else. But notice that the hands of the “hugger” were open as they embraced the person. You can’t welcome anyone or anything with closed hands. You cannot provide, give or bless anyone else with closed hands.

Open, or closed? Take a look, what are you communicating with your hands?

I realize that the germ-a-phobics among us are cringing at the thought of the things that may get passed from one to another with open hands. However, I still get to determine what I will pass on to others, by how I prepare my hands and what I place in them. I am a chaplain one day a week at our local hospital. As a part of my orientation for this ministry I was given more information than I really wanted to know about things that can get spread from one to another. What I loved about the training was that the emphasis was on preparing yourself, and especially your hands, for that possibility. The focus was not stay away from everything and everyone, but rather prepare yourself for whatever you may encounter.

So take a few minutes to look at your hands. Are you approaching life with them open, or closed? Are you ready to receive and give, or are you closed and unapproachable? Next time you are trying to figure someone out, watch their hands.

Dennis

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Facing the Fear #3 …

Which is harder for you, facing the fears you know or facing fears you are anticipating? Do you fear the known or the unknown more? I was asking this question as I sat here seeing and hearing all kinds of predictions of a major ice and snow storm approaching a couple of weeks ago. We were getting warnings concerning the storm for a few days.

The grocery stores were mad houses all day before a single snow flake had been spotted and this madness was not limited to my area. I read reports of this same madness across several states. Some of the mad rush could be people stocking up for their “Big Game” parties. But the level of madness and the urgency of the people in the stores appears to have been driven by more than the game.

Evidently people were afraid of getting stranded by the storm and wanted to make sure they had enough chips and salsa on hand.

So which is it for you? The fear you have battled before, or the one that you believe is coming but haven’t yet faced that is more upsetting?

I believe for me it is a tie. The one I haven’t faced before is upsetting because I am not sure how it is going to impact and what strategy may work against it. But the one I am familiar with can be devastating because I know the impact it has had on me before and I don’t want to face it again. Especially if I didn’t work through it the last time.

The big issue is to find a way to face the fear whether it is familiar or not. The first need is to acknowledge you have the fear. As I wrote in my first post on facing the fear, ignoring that I have a fear does not help me to overcome or get past a fear. This year I made sure to include addressing a couple of my longstanding fears as I wrote down some of my goals for this year and in my last post on facing the fear I wrote that now I have to take some steps.

One of the steps I am taking in overcoming a fear is to share the fear and the steps with someone who will keep checking on me to see if I have taken any of the steps. It is critical that I share the fear and the steps to overcome the fear with the right person. It needs to be someone who has access to me. It needs to be someone who cares about me. It needs to be someone who will confront me and not just tell me it is okay if I keep putting off taking the steps to overcome. It needs to be someone that I care about as well, otherwise I may not care about what they say to me.

I have started this process. What is working for you in facing your fears?

Dennis

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Facing the Fears #2 …

In my previous post I wrote about attempting to face fears. While typing the word “attempting” I suddenly had a picture of the Yoda quote “there is no try, only do or do not”. At the moment I don’t know if I am doing or not, but I do know I am attempting. In the future we will see if I did or did not face my fears. Back to the point of this post, one of my goals this year to is to face a couple of long standing fears of mine.

My first step in facing these fears is to make it a definitive goal to face them in 2015. I took the approach this year of putting my goals down in black and white. I created a goal document on my computer with some specific goals and target dates to accomplish the goals, including some target dates for steps to meet my goals. In putting my goals down in black and white I am forced to face my goals. Since a couple of my goals are dealing with some fears I am forced to face them.

Now I have to actually take some steps to not only face these fears but also to overcome them. Overcoming a fear does not always mean the fear will go away or cease to be a fear, but overcoming a fear means you were able to get past the fear and accomplish something. Overcoming a fear gives a boost to your courage to face the fear the next time as well. I have to continue to overcome my fear of preaching every Sunday. My fear is more about the importance of what I am doing than the technical aspect of speaking in front of people. It is much easier than it used to be to overcome that fear, but it is still there and I am still nervous every time before I preach.

Putting my goals down in black in white and having some of them addressing my fears is a beginning. But a beginning can be a long way from overcoming. But it is a start and starting is critical. There is an old saying, “A job begun is a job half done”. I am not sure about being halfway to overcoming but I must admit I am encouraged by taking a step in the right direction.

What have you done to address some of your fears? What has worked for you in the past?

Here’s hoping you are taking steps to overcome your fears. You are not alone in this battle, I am in it with you.

Dennis

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Facing the Fears …

How do you answer the question, “What are you afraid of?” Most of can quickly list a few acceptable things, such as … spiders, heights, snakes, public speaking, death, mice, little people (you know who you are), dogs, the dark, noises in the dark, spiders, snakes and mice making noises in the dark… you get the idea. But what about some of those fears that we don’t talk about over the dinner table? Some of those fears that we have trouble even admitting to ourselves? What about those fears?

I have been thinking of, and processing, the idea of fears often recently. Part of the reason is some of the things I have been studying and a larger part of it is attempting to face some of my own fears.

If you were completely vulnerable with me, what would you confess are your greatest fears right now? What are some of the fears that you are well aware of but just avoid? What are some of the fears that you are not sure what others would still like you if you told them? Maybe it is a fear of what others think of you.

How do you face your fears? I must confess that the fears I have been wrestling with recently are ones that I have avoided facing for a while. Part of my goal-setting for this year had to do with facing some of these fears. One way of facing fears is to ignore them. How is that working for you? It has not been working well for me at all. Another method of dealing with fears is to declare that you have already overcome them. The old “fake it till you make it” method. That works until you are actually face to face with the fear. Or you could just give up and let the fear win. That is tempting at times.

I have tried all of the above methods and I am not satisfied with the results. How about you? Have any of the above methods of dealing with your fears worked for you?
What other methods have you tried?

I am planning to share some more about my fears and what I am attempting to do about them in some upcoming posts. That is, if I don’t chicken out.

Until next time, here’s hoping you are finding some great ways to face your fears and to encourage someone else as they deal with their fears as well.

Dennis

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