The more I pray the more I wrestle with being scared to pray. Can you relate to that at all? I am not referring to being so scared that I feel like I can’t pray, I mean that the more I pray for real stuff in my life and others that I face many more fears. It is as if I am scared to pray for fear of the fears I will encounter. Does that make any sense?
A few years ago I really became convicted of my lack of praying. I began to be more intentional about praying. I started to pray much more specifically. I began to pray more often and sometimes for much longer periods of time. It changed me and continues to change my life and my ministry. But I also face more scary things.
A few of the fears that are finding me are …
… the fear of what else I need to work on in my own life. The more I pray the more God is revealing to me about me. This is a good thing except when it isn’t. I have had moments where I have said to God “enough about me, let’s deal with the stuff in some other people’s lives.” I pray for others and about the very real things in their lives. But God also keeps showing me stuff about me. Some of it is scary. Even the stuff that gets changed can lead me to fear the next prayer time wondering what I will discover. Has that ever happened to you?
… there is the fear that I am not sure I can handle praying for any more big stuff. The more I pray for others and the real stuff in their lives I am experiencing more and more people asking me to pray for them and their stuff. Sometimes I am almost overwhelmed with the stuff. That can be scary? But, I am going to keep praying.
… there is also the fear that I am not praying correctly. Do you know that feeling? I am well aware that there is no “correct” way to pray. I preach and teach that prayer is conversing with God and that as long you are in the conversation it is a good thing. But sometimes I think that if I could pray better more people would be helped and more things changed. That scares me a bit.
I am not going to quit praying and I am not going to pray less. In fact I am determined to pray more. I am grateful that I have Christ to guide me, strengthen me and that he has given me assurance in the Bible that I don’t need to fear. I will have fears, but I don’t need to be fearful.
Here’s hoping that this encourages you.